Flavor of the Week

I made a decision this week that I thought was pretty mature and rational. At least for me, since I tend to be wholly irrational and impulsive.

There was this dude that I had been seeing every once in awhile. We were not dating, although at one time I definitely thought I might want to. But turns out we have literally nothing in common. Like, he had never seen any episodes of any Law& Order. How is that possible??

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So we were just having sleepovers. It was fun, blah blah blah, whatever.

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But then the fun wasn’t enough.

I know there are a lot of people out there who would be content to live their single lives knowing they had the security of a booty call. It’s kind of an epidemic among our generation. I may have been one of those people three years ago.

But the last time I was in that situation, it ended poorly for me.

I’m not good with casual shit like that. I care too much and I’m too much of a romantic.

So, I was proud of myself this week because I cut my booty call loose.

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In reality, the dude is a nice enough guy, but it was easier than I expected to cut it off because I realized I didn’t want to date him whatsofuckingever (and I think the feeling was mutual).

Four months ago, I signed up for match because I wanted to meet someone worthwhile. I wanted to get away from casual dating and flings. This week, I realized that the road I was going down with this dude was taking me on a long detour away from what I actually wanted. It was shaping up to be a major waste of time.

I’m not looking for a flavor of the week. I’m too old for that shit.

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Like I said, I’ve been down that road before. The moments of fun in casual situations like that never make up for the other moments of loneliness and the feelings of regret I get for compromising.

And I guess if I actually want to be open to meeting someone worthwhile, I should stop compromising while I’m waiting.

I’m still not really actively looking to date at this particular moment. There’s so much shit on my plate right now. But at least if something or someone DOES come along, I won’t have any obstacles in my way.

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I just wish I would have had the sense to be this rational when I was living in Chicago. Maybe if I would have said “see ya never” earlier to the Douchey McJerkerson who would booty call me when I was living there, I would have been able to focus on what I really wanted – dating non-douchey, nice guys. And I could have spared myself a lot of heartache.

Le sigh.

You live and you learn, I guess. I’m just glad I am actually maybe learning this time.

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Bad Romance

I think I’ve turned a corner, y’all. I’ve had a major revelation.

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Four months ago, I packed up all my shit and moved far, far away from my family, friends, and all my favorite food. I had these grand ideas that I’d be starting some great adventure, that I’d fall in love immediately, and be sublimely happy in my new home.

Now, some of that came true. I think my life is an adventure right now. I am happy here (except for those 60ish minutes each day during my commute when I am sure I’m going to commit murder).

I made a HUGE mistake when I moved, though, because I put such GREAT importance on finding a relationship. And I had such high expectations about how easy it would be to find a “happily ever after” that I think I may have set myself up for certain failure.

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I had to go to a work training today where we talked about personality temperaments and I was an “idealist.” Unsurprisingly, that means I am trusting, value relationships, and romanticize everything.

That whole discussion got me wondering: am I destined to fall into this same habit of idealizing dating and potential partners? Is that just in my wiring?

People have asked me, after reading this blog, how the whole dating thing is going. I usually say something dumb like, “Oh, it’s going, I guess.”

But what I’m really thinking, unequivocally, is:

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“IT’S PRETTY FUCKIN BAD.”

I think some of that may be my own fault for trying too goddamned hard. I want whatever perfect fantasy I’ve concocted in my head to magically materialize.

But nothing worthwhile takes this much energy. People have been telling me not to look for a dude at all for years. They’ll say shit like, “You’ll find love when you least expect it.” blah blah blah.

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But, cliche or not, I think they are right.

The idealist in me has think that, somewhere along the way, someone will come along who is as great as I think he is. And he won’t be a douchebag, and we WILL live happily ever after.

But I’ve decided to stop looking for that someone for now. The man of my dreams is not under that unturned rock. He is not hiding under my bed (I’ve looked). And he doesn’t seem to be online. At least not right now.

And you know what? That’s fine.

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A really important part of dating is self-awareness, and I think for me that means realizing that dating might not be my thing right now.

I mean, for real. It was really silly of me to think that I could will the perfect man to appear in front of me when I want him to. It was also silly to think I needed that. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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So I’ve made a very conscious decision to focus on easier, more fulfilling relationships. Like girlfriends who I can talk to about all that boy bullshit, or eyeshadow. Or drinking buddies. Or that friend who is up for a good time and a night full of bad decisions.

I trust in the process. I don’t think I’ll die alone. But for now, being single isn’t so bad. I might pay for my own drinks more often, but there are greater crosses to bear.

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And hey, you don’t need romance to feel the love.