Light My Fire

HHHHEEEEEYYYYY YYYY’AAAAALLLLLLLLL!!

I’m back. I’d ask if you missed me but: 1) I’m not actually talking to anyone because this is on the internet and 2) I already know the answer 😉

It was probably good that I went away for awhile because my head was getting real big about the blog. It was TOUGH living the life of VERRRRRY minor Midwestern internet celebrity among people I know. There are only so many ways to respond to “OMG Rachel I looooooove your blog and you’re sooooo hilaaaaaaarious” without coming off as a douchebag.

don't hate

I had also been taking a break from dating for awhile because work, summer, travel, blah blah blah, I won’t bore you.

Anyway, at some point this summer, I met a girl who has actually had what seemed like a good experience on tinder. More specifically, she met dudes who seemed 1) normal, 2) attractive, and 3) interested in actually DATING (I know, it is a SHOCKING, novel concept) rather than just getting it in a little bit.

really man

I was like 1) awesome I like dudes 2) tinder sounds easy and shallow so THATS GREAT and 3) maybe I will meet some blogworthy bros.

I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS IN STORE FOR ME.

oh shit

SO I HOPPED ON IN. I would say I really got into tinder like a month ago. I wasn’t swiping so much that I got carpal tunnel or anything, but I was spending a good amount of time getting to know the lay of the land.

It was a lot like this:

phone face

And I really was impressed. Maybe I’m in a better place in life than I was last time I gave dating a go, but the gents on tinder seem to be exactly what I’m looking for. Like fun, casual, but maybe into seeing where things go. And they actually seems to get out of their homes and do things, which is more than I can say for some if my prior match.com suitors.

act casual

Anyway, I have met three guys from tinder so far and I have plans to meet a fourth tomorrow. Some dates have been better than others, but I didn’t leave any of the dates horrified or afraid that I’d be alone forever SO THERE’S THAT.

From worst to best, my three dates:

WORST: earlier this week I met up with this bearded dude for beers. I was looking forward to it I guess because through our conversations, the guy seemed legit and we have a lot in common. He was even interviewing with the PDs office here! So to give you an idea of how he date went, I will just share a snippet of a text convo I shared with my girlfraaaan as I headed home:

girlfraaaan: what happened on your date?
bobachel: Ehh we got beer. He’s a fine human but I don’t want to date him.
bobachel: he was kind of hobbitty.
bobachel: like short and hairy

/end scene

SIDENOTE: typing that out made me realize THE BITCH IS BACK.

whateva

SECOND WORST DATE: so a few weeks ago I also had a date with a younger man (!! Scandal!!). I was like “whatever whatever robbing cradles is my day job.” We set up this date. He had to cancel. We set another and I had to cancel. FINALLY we pick a third date and he ends up having to stay late at work. I was feeling a little frustrated/ OVER IT and wanted to be like “GO FUCK YOURSELF AND/OR DIE IN A FIRE,” but my othergirlfraaaan was like ” you have to meet up with him because HE COULD BE THE ONE.”

Being the big believer in fate and love that I am, I decided to give this guy a shot. So we meet up at a local brewery. I walk up and he was verrrrry cute. And tall! He was also funny. But as the evening went on, a few things struck me. First, we didn’t reallllllllly have that much in common. I think he said the longest he’d been away from Louisville was like a weekend? Say what? How do you get to your mid twenties and never even like go to summer camp. WEIRDO.

i cant

He also was a retail manager with no real plans to do much else. I mean, I know it’s unrealistic to expect anyone I date to have multiple degrees and/or a professional career, but those things definitely make it easier to relate.

The other thing that struck me was his, shall we say, accessories. As we were talking, I kept catching a glimpse of something in his mouth. First I thought it was food. Then I realized IT WAS DEFINITELY A TONGUE RING. Like, on a post-college man. A 25ish year old man had a tongue ring and I was on a date with him.

AND I WAS LIKE:

fresh prince

hands

anigif_enhanced-27152-1409254109-1

I WAS SO CONFUSED.

As soon as our date was done (it was enjoyable, btw) and I got home, I texted girlfraaaan this: ” HALP JUST WENT ON DATE WITH MAN WITH TONGUE RING PLEASE ADVISE” and then another where I asked her to crowd source whether he was even straight, because do straight men have tongue rings?

Well. I guess it was a nonissue. Although I talked to Tongue Ring Man a few other times, and we discussed meeting up again, it never materialized. BUMMER. <\3

nope

…so now we get to BEST DATE: or should I say dates. I have now gone on three dates with a very cute guy who is super nice. I think we have a lot in common and I’m enjoying getting to know him a lot. He’s a Midwestern dude who likes beer and michigan football, so….Yahtzee?

emma stone

….I’m going to leave it there. We will see where it goes.

ALSO in the “shhhh let’s not talk about it too much category”: I’m meeting someone new tomorrow. He has talked me into an activity that I would never do otherwise: ZOMBIE WALK. I hope he doesn’t try to eat me. OR SHOULD I NOT HOPE THAT? I’ll keep mum about that, too. Wouldn’t wanna jinx it.

image

Anyway. I’m gonna take this tinder train to the end of the line. I’m liking it a lot so far.

Even without tinder, I’m feeling the love in the air. I think this could be the year of bobachelmates, y’all. Hold on to your seats and stay tuned.

fuck yeah

SMOOCHES.

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