I think I’ve turned a corner, y’all. I’ve had a major revelation.
Four months ago, I packed up all my shit and moved far, far away from my family, friends, and all my favorite food. I had these grand ideas that I’d be starting some great adventure, that I’d fall in love immediately, and be sublimely happy in my new home.
Now, some of that came true. I think my life is an adventure right now. I am happy here (except for those 60ish minutes each day during my commute when I am sure I’m going to commit murder).
I made a HUGE mistake when I moved, though, because I put such GREAT importance on finding a relationship. And I had such high expectations about how easy it would be to find a “happily ever after” that I think I may have set myself up for certain failure.
I had to go to a work training today where we talked about personality temperaments and I was an “idealist.” Unsurprisingly, that means I am trusting, value relationships, and romanticize everything.
That whole discussion got me wondering: am I destined to fall into this same habit of idealizing dating and potential partners? Is that just in my wiring?
People have asked me, after reading this blog, how the whole dating thing is going. I usually say something dumb like, “Oh, it’s going, I guess.”
But what I’m really thinking, unequivocally, is:
“IT’S PRETTY FUCKIN BAD.”
I think some of that may be my own fault for trying too goddamned hard. I want whatever perfect fantasy I’ve concocted in my head to magically materialize.
But nothing worthwhile takes this much energy. People have been telling me not to look for a dude at all for years. They’ll say shit like, “You’ll find love when you least expect it.” blah blah blah.
But, cliche or not, I think they are right.
The idealist in me has think that, somewhere along the way, someone will come along who is as great as I think he is. And he won’t be a douchebag, and we WILL live happily ever after.
But I’ve decided to stop looking for that someone for now. The man of my dreams is not under that unturned rock. He is not hiding under my bed (I’ve looked). And he doesn’t seem to be online. At least not right now.
And you know what? That’s fine.
A really important part of dating is self-awareness, and I think for me that means realizing that dating might not be my thing right now.
I mean, for real. It was really silly of me to think that I could will the perfect man to appear in front of me when I want him to. It was also silly to think I needed that. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
So I’ve made a very conscious decision to focus on easier, more fulfilling relationships. Like girlfriends who I can talk to about all that boy bullshit, or eyeshadow. Or drinking buddies. Or that friend who is up for a good time and a night full of bad decisions.
I trust in the process. I don’t think I’ll die alone. But for now, being single isn’t so bad. I might pay for my own drinks more often, but there are greater crosses to bear.
And hey, you don’t need romance to feel the love.