Bad Romance

I think I’ve turned a corner, y’all. I’ve had a major revelation.

rihanna oh yeah

Four months ago, I packed up all my shit and moved far, far away from my family, friends, and all my favorite food. I had these grand ideas that I’d be starting some great adventure, that I’d fall in love immediately, and be sublimely happy in my new home.

Now, some of that came true. I think my life is an adventure right now. I am happy here (except for those 60ish minutes each day during my commute when I am sure I’m going to commit murder).

I made a HUGE mistake when I moved, though, because I put such GREAT importance on finding a relationship. And I had such high expectations about how easy it would be to find a “happily ever after” that I think I may have set myself up for certain failure.

my emo moment

I had to go to a work training today where we talked about personality temperaments and I was an “idealist.” Unsurprisingly, that means I am trusting, value relationships, and romanticize everything.

That whole discussion got me wondering: am I destined to fall into this same habit of idealizing dating and potential partners? Is that just in my wiring?

People have asked me, after reading this blog, how the whole dating thing is going. I usually say something dumb like, “Oh, it’s going, I guess.”

But what I’m really thinking, unequivocally, is:

drunk lea thompson


I think some of that may be my own fault for trying too goddamned hard. I want whatever perfect fantasy I’ve concocted in my head to magically materialize.

But nothing worthwhile takes this much energy. People have been telling me not to look for a dude at all for years. They’ll say shit like, “You’ll find love when you least expect it.” blah blah blah.

regina george

But, cliche or not, I think they are right.

The idealist in me has think that, somewhere along the way, someone will come along who is as great as I think he is. And he won’t be a douchebag, and we WILL live happily ever after.

But I’ve decided to stop looking for that someone for now. The man of my dreams is not under that unturned rock. He is not hiding under my bed (I’ve looked). And he doesn’t seem to be online. At least not right now.

And you know what? That’s fine.

I don't care 1

i don't care 2

i don't care 3

A really important part of dating is self-awareness, and I think for me that means realizing that dating might not be my thing right now.

I mean, for real. It was really silly of me to think that I could will the perfect man to appear in front of me when I want him to. It was also silly to think I needed that. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

i'm a free bitch

So I’ve made a very conscious decision to focus on easier, more fulfilling relationships. Like girlfriends who I can talk to about all that boy bullshit, or eyeshadow. Or drinking buddies. Or that friend who is up for a good time and a night full of bad decisions.

I trust in the process. I don’t think I’ll die alone. But for now, being single isn’t so bad. I might pay for my own drinks more often, but there are greater crosses to bear.

OITNB celebration

And hey, you don’t need romance to feel the love.


Float On

All right, y’all. I’m back.

big gulp palin

I think my hiatus from this blog may have been taken prematurely.

Before I started blogging about dating, I was a goddamned mess of a person when it came to men. I was like a fish flapping around out of water, or a chicken running around with its head cut off. Basically, I was every awkward animal that has ever existed. Ever. (I’m probably still reaalllllllllly awkward, but at least I feel better about it. That’s all that matters, right?)

britney face

I’m a visual person, and I think I need to write this shit down to make any sense of it. I need to sort out all the feels. And HEY, blogging is cheaper than therapy!

TBH, I also missed all the gifs.

Anyway, even though online dating still sucks, I’m still into dating or whatever. I mean, who would ever get sick of getting dressed up and going out and doing fun stuff with someone you’re into?

Lord knows I enjoy putting on something slutty and struttin’ around for no reason.

george bush tail feather

For the new year, I’m changing my outlook, though.

I had my sister get me a membership because I thought I wanted to settle down and get boo’d up immediately, and I thought I could pretty much guarantee that if I looked online. The whole plan fit very well within my very Type-A, control-freak, overly-organized life.

However, that plan also produced a lot of bullshit that made me extremely frustrated.

Now I’m realizing that life is so much better when you just fucking relax and go with the flow a little bit. The same applies to dating.

I think women really fuck themselves over a lot because we have a tendency to rehash every single fucking detail from a relationship, and then overanalyze it all. If you think about something too much, you start to care about it more than you probably should. And then it starts to matter more than it should. I don’t know how much anxiety that kind of nonsense has caused me over the past 26 years, but probably at least 18 voms worth.

For real though, ladies, we need to stop THINKING and just start LIVING.

totes mcgotes

SO, my new year’s resolution has been to do just that – to stop trying to figure stuff out prematurely, and just go with it more – and so far it’s been more fun. It’s definitely less stressful.

Even though I’m changing my brain around, I’m not lowering my expectations. During a bad breakup once, a good friend told me I deserve someone who “thinks the sun shines out of my ass.” She’s right. I do deserve that shit.

sassy obama

Imma still keep my eyes open for that. I’m just not gonna break a sweat doing it anymore.

Anyway, I’m actually in a new situation that I haven’t quite figured out, which is fine for now. I like this guy, and he’s a lot of fun to spend time with, but that’s as far as I’ve gotten. I’m still trying to feel out what he thinks about it, too.

I think that’s all I’ll say about that. I haven’t figured out how to articulate the rest, and I think I’d rather focus on enjoying the ride instead anyway.

sam waterston cheers

Wherever that ride fuckin goes.