Hold On, We’re Going Home

So, it’s been awhile. Did you miss me? I missed you. Really, promise.

What I HAVE NOT missed that much is match.com. In the last two weeks I’ve become rather apathetic about it. Online dating is starting to feel like this:

sidetracked baby

It’s actually really weird because I’m actually still in contact with a few interesting guys. I even had some dates lined up this last weekend!

My first scheduled date was with this dude Eat, Pray, Love. We went to this AWESOME craft beer bar that I most definitely will be visiting many more times (especially when you all come to visit me?).

I wasn’t sure what to expect looks-wise because half of his pictures were of him visiting cool places and he looked like a dirty hippie because those places  probably didn’t have running water. But he was super cute! He actually kind of reminds me of this guy (look familiar, Gossip Girl fans?):


Cute, right?

There was a little moment at the beginning of the date where I was an awkward idiot. Before I met him at the bar, he had apparently texted me to tell me he was waiting outside. I missed that text. Not realizing he was waiting for me outside, I walked up to the front door to go inside. He stopped me and asked if I was Rachel. I was taken aback, and the first thing that popped out of my awkward mouth was “Oh, you look …different than I expected.”

awkward britney face

…Ugh. It took me like five awkward follow up apologies to get my foot out of my mouth. What I was thinking was “you’re really cute!” but what I actually said made me sound like a real asshole.

But I guess he got over it because after that, the date was great! In fact, as far as first dates go, it was definitely up there as one of the best I think. Eat, Pray, Love was  nice and normal and interesting. He’s traveled all over the place and is training to be a pilot. He has a tattoo on his forearm, too. I don’t usually go for that kind of ink, but on him it was kind of sexy. I really liked him a lot.

My second scheduled date didn’t go. It’s with supposed to be with this SUPER CUTE med student. Like, just thinking about the fact that he’s going to be a hot doctor gets me worked up. I WOULD say he’s out of my league but I am pretty FABULOUS!


Anyway, Dr. McHottie was going to take me to dinner, but he got called into do important doctor-in-training things. He kept apologizing that he had to cancel, and he promised to make it up to me, so I took a rain check.


Swoon. Sounds like just what the doctor ordered.

So, you might be saying to yourself, “Rachel, it sounds like you’re living the dream! Many cute boys want to date you! What’s up with all the dating apathy?

What’s up is that I’m still really conflicted about this real life boy I’ve been crushin’ on forever, Lawyer Man. We’re supposed to see each other when I go home for Thanksgiving and I haven’t been able to think about much else for the past three weeks. I’m very excited to see him, but I’m also really unsure about the consequences of us seeing each other. Right now it’s like we’re doing this weird dance, or playing chicken.


I’m conflicted because he lives hundreds of miles away and he’s only moving farther away. And I can’t tell how serious he is about us trying to work something out. Maybe it’s one of those things that I’ll have to feel out when I actually get some face time with him? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I have a mental block right now. I can’t mentally or emotionally commit to the idea of giving any of these internet dudes a chance because of how I feel about Lawyer Man. It’s one of those things that I think would have me wondering “what if?” if I didn’t give it a shot.

my emotions

Anyway, I hope I gain some insight after this weekend and my trip home. Whatever the outcome, having some clarity on what to do with my dating life would be something I’d be very thankful for.


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