Brace yourselves for @myemomoment. I just got back from a trip to Chicago, so I had a lot of time for self reflection. Apparently, all ma’ feels translate into approximately one billion gifs. SORRY NOT SORRY.
So, Chicago. She’s pretty, ain’t she?
It was great to be back in Chicago, to see my friends, and to EAT all the food I’ve missed (even though I couldn’t get to Windy City Gyros. Sad). It was also SO NICE to just take a break from dating. But now I’m feeling pretty conflicted about the whole trip because it made me feel really nostalgic, and THAT has me feeling equally conflicted about this whole online dating thing.
I don’t really know how to articulate it. I love living in Louisville. I love my job. I like my coworkers a whole lot. I can picture building a life here. BUT at the same time, starting my life over in a new city is really lonely, and sometimes it’s hard to keep that perspective on the bigger picture.
I mean, I don’t really know anyone outside of work. I don’t have girlfriends here that can grab a drink with me after work and wing woman for me while I flirt with men at bars. All I have is work and match.com. Even though I was still single and pretty lonely in Chicago, at least I had my friends.
I’m worried that being lonely will cloud my judgment, and that I’ll end up settling for some loser. It really doesn’t really help that the dudes from match.com have been underwhelming.
I don’t want to settle – my philosophy is that I shouldn’t eat fish sticks if what I’m really craving is sushi.
Last week I was feeling overwhelmed with the dating process and wished that the herd of men I was talking with would thin themselves out. I guess I should be careful what I wish for! Perhaps my lack of interest and sparse text responses helped the process along, but I’m only really talking to like 3 guys now. I haven’t heard from most of the J’s or Chris’s in awhile, and I’m quite fine with that.
One of the guys I haven’t heard from in several days is the Fist Bumper. TRAGEDY. I think maybe he got the hint that I wasn’t interested in a lifetime of the fist bump-kiss combo. I sure will miss that fist bumping action! (jk lol. It wasn’t even that great of a fist bump.)
I HAVE heard from Jersey though. He texted me all weekend while I was gone. I didn’t really respond, because I was busy becoming a lawyer or something, but he KEPT texting. I feel a little bad, really. Jersey is a nice enough guy. I mean, REALLY, all of these guys are nice enough. But Jersey’s constant texts really opened my eyes to how ANNOYING it can be when someone you’re not interested in and/or trying to ignore KEEPS texting you. (In fact, I think I will adjust my texting habits accordingly. That shit is the WORST.)
Anyway, I had been considering seeing Jersey again, but I reached my annoyance capacity today as I was driving through Indiana. The combination of being in the worst state ever and Jersey’s barrage of pointless chit chat was just too much. I wish Jersey could have just taken a page from Fist Bumper and realized I wasn’t into it, but he didn’t, so I texted him that I wasn’t really interested in seeing him again. He sent me some stupid message about “hanging out as friends.”
Hmm. Let me think about that…..No. No thank you. Sounds like the opposite of what I just said I wanted to do – i.e., not see you. It also sounds awkward. And like a waste time. Sorry. Good luck in life and with texting.
I’m just feeling so BLAH about this whole thing right now. Like, I feel like none of the dudes on match.com have the potential to be the one.
It shouldn’t be this hard! I’m young and fun and not a hideous mutant. I should be able to find better guys!
I mean, for real. It’s only been a few weeks and I’m feeling seriously disillusioned.
Maybe I’ll be singing a different tune by the end of the week. I have tentative plans to see Iowa, the adorable, younger-than-me dude, sometime this week. I’ve also talked about grabbing beer with a new guy who we’ll call Eat Pray Love because he traveled around India for several months. They don’t seem horrible.
For now, I’ll remain open minded to meeting these internet gentlemen, but my optimism is quickly dwindling.
Anyway, I hope things get better soon, because if not I might just go adopt 90273019 cats and be alone forever. Nobody wants that.
So, please loser men, get out of the way. Winner men, please come find me.