Today was a shitty, cold, rainy day in Kentucky.
As I was talking by text about the weather with one of my gentlemen from match.com (we’ll call him Lance Lite, because he’s into cycling, but probs doesn’t use steoroids), this came up. I mentioned that it was a pretty perfect day to listen to some music by the Temptations! I mean, really, probably every day is a perfect day to jam to their sweet motown beats. But the rain really just does something to me that makes me want to listen to David Ruffin’s voice.
I was expecting Lance Lite to agree with me (because who doesn’t love the Temptations??), maybe even just text back a random combination of letters to symbolize his guttural, primal approval of my music choice.
Instead he said, “I don’t really love the Temptations. Not my style.”
Ummmm… What? How do you not like the Temptations? I consider the Temptations to be one of the best and most influential musical groups of this century. They are ICONIC American music. If The Temptations “aren’t your style,” you might as well self-deport.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, when this dude told me he wasn’t into the Temptations I was 1) confused, 2) appalled, and 3) immediately uninterested in dating him.
This whole, odd episode got me thinking about the other guys I’ve been talking with, and whether they’ve got what it takes to roll with me, aka be that dude in my life.
Apparently, as I learned today “MUST LOVE MOTOWN” (or at least like it) is something that’s on my list. I don’t know that I could spend the rest of my natural life with a man who wouldn’t enjoy sitting on the couch drinking a nice red wine and listening to some motown music on a Friday night.
So what else is on my list?
Well, I’m discovering that’s still a work in progress. The more I talk with different men through match.com, the more I’m realizing that the things I thought were deal-breakers really aren’t that big of an issue at all. At the same time, some seemingly small qualities are really putting me off (like, ya know, shitty music/beer taste). But there are a few things I KNOW I’m looking for.
I think sense of humor is a big one. One of my current suitors (we’ll call him Funny Guy), who I went out with last week, is hilarious. I think I spent 90% of the date belly laughing because everything that came out of his mouth was just so funny. I think he’s the kind of person that would never stop being funny, and I really like that about him.
Sense of humor is such an important trait for me because when I’m old and out of energy and everything’s hanging down around my knees, I’ll still be able to laugh with my partner. I WANT to be able to at least count on that. And even before I turn into a human raisin, I think laughter will need to be a vital part of my life and relationships. I mean, I work in a stressful job with people who are literally crazy. Laughter, especially those shared, special moments with that special someone, are going to be really important for me to just maintain sanity. I don’t see how someone could possibly live a happy life without laughter.
I’m also looking for someone with both passion for the things they spend their time doing and compassion for the people they spend their time with.
I think I’m looking for those things in a man because I value them so much in my own life. I love the life I’m living, the work I do, the people I work with, and the people I work for. I have committed my life to helping others, so I need someone who understands that and feels the same way about his own life.
Another one of the guys I’ve been talking to a lot the last few days (we’ll call him Jersey, because he’s from there) seems to fit that bill. I wasn’t so into him originally, when we were just exchanging emails, but as I’ve gotten to know him more, he seems to care really deeply about the work he does and the ways he chooses to spend his free time. He’s involved with data management, which I would probably find dreadfully boring, but the fact that HE enjoys his work is all that’s really important to me. In fact, I find it pretty hot. He’s also seemed genuinely interested in hearing and learning about my job. That makes me feel like he understands and respects things that are really important to me.
I think another reason I’m becoming more into Jersey is that he is a gentleman.
When my sister first started dating her husband (whom she met through match.com), he sent her an email saying he would kill spiders and bugs by the bucket-full for her. Knowing that my sister HATES spiders, and being pretty squeamish of them myself, I found my future brother-in-law’s email to be incredibly sweet, and really pretty chivalrous. Since then, I’ve been looking for my own man who could play amateur exterminator when necessary.
Well, fast forward to yesterday. Jersey told me, “I’d kill all kinds of spiders for you.” I was all like:
I mean, in the grand scheme of things, killing spiders is a little thing. But the gesture is important. Call me old fashioned, but sometimes I like to be protected. I like to feel safe with the men I date. Acts of chivalry, great or small, get me every time. Those are the kinds of things that sweep a girl off her feet.
I suppose politics and religion are somewhat important, too, but for me they’re not necessarily deal-breakers (UNLESS you’re some crazy neocon who quotes Ann Coulter on the reg, in which case, you might as well self-deport with all the Temptations haterz, too).
As confused as I am about what I’m looking for, I really do think those big things will never change. A sense of humor, passion, compassion, and chivalry will always be important to me. Together. None of those qualities alone would likely be enough for me to keep a dude around. And I think if I could find a guy who checks all those big boxes, the rest would come naturally.
Maybe this is a tall order. Does this guy even exits? I hope so.
Well, if he IS out there, hopefully I’ll find him soon 🙂