My sister is pretty smart. Not only was it a really wonderful idea for her to get me a match.com membership as a gift, but her advice for how to weed out weirdos has been spot on.
Her biggest piece of advice, which I was originally skeptical of, but am totally buying into now, is that I should talk on the phone with a guy before I meet him in person.
Now, my sister is old school. When we were growing up, she was totally a phone slut. She burned up those lines every night. I don’t mind talking on the phone, and I CAN really enjoy a phone conversation with good friends or people I’m dating. I just think the utility of talking on the phone is pretty low. Text messaging is much more efficient – plus I can use emoticons! I also tend to reserve phone conversations for people I’m closer to – Joe Schmo from match.com wouldn’t normally fit into that category.
That being said, I’m really trying to take her advice this time around, and she’s pretty right about this one. Guitar Guy was really pushing to chat with me off match.com, so I gave him my number. I figured I’d be able to get out of it pretty easily because I was sure I wouldn’t enjoy talking to him based on our conversations online. I was SO wrong though! He’s actually really cool, and he kind of has a cute accent (being from Kentucky and all).
I had judged Guitar Guy pretty hard based on some grammar mistakes and beer preferences. When I talked to him, though, he was just a normal cool guy. He’s reads a lot of historical fiction, he’s really into science, and he’s flown over Louisville. It actually sounded like it would be pretty fun to meet him and spend time with him, especially since I’m new to the area. So, my original, judgey perceptions were pretty off. I never would have known that if I wouldn’t have talked to him on the phone!
The other two guys I’ve been talking with more frequently also have my phone number, and I’m hoping to talk with them soon. I just hope my impressions on those two weren’t also off, because I really like them so far!
I think what this whole “phone call rule” has taught me is that I really am pretty damn judgmental. On one hand, a little bit of judgment in the online dating world may be necessary. Eventually, I’ll need reasons to cut people off, and maybe those reasons will be somewhat arbitrary. BUT on the other hand, I have been way too quick to judge. I make snap decisions about people who probably haven’t thought too much about what they’re typing to me. I don’t need to be ruling people out after one email exchange, before I’ve really gotten to know them.
On a related note, after many comments urging me to give the guy another shot, I messaged Sad, Desperate Dude again. I’m sure he’s a nice guy. I’ll give him a couple more shots to interest me before I take him out of the running. In fact, I think I’ll give all the guys a couple more shots.
IN DATING NEWS, there is a new guy who has caught my interest recently. We’ll call him Traveler . He’s been all over Europe and he’s a Pharmacist. What I really like about him is that he seems to be a dreamer, but he also seems to be pretty focused on the important things in his life. I like to think he shares those qualities with me. He also just seems to have his shit together, and he hasn’t offended me with any ridiculous grammatical mistakes.
I think maybe the most important thing I’m trying to focus on right now, with regards to dating, is that I don’t need to get too invested in any of these guys right now. I’ve done the thing too many times where I get really into someone, build them up in my head, and then they either disappoint me or break my heart or something in between. Before I started match.com, I briefly dated someone in Lousiville. I thought he was great, but then it was over and I was a little disoriented.
A lot of my friends gave me perspective then, though, that I think will be very useful as I keep getting to know some of these guys: as nice as some dudes are, and as great as I think things with them could be, most of the time things won’t work out. That’s just the universe doing it’s thing.
I’ll keep my trust in the universe to work things out for me, but I think I’ll also keep doing my part to get to know these guys and pick up the phone more often 🙂