Say My Name

I’m having a very serious problem.

I can’t keep straight all the dudes I’ve been talking to. It’s HARD, y’all! I mean, there are so many of them! (#humblebrag).

prettier than you

I really enjoy getting to know people, talking to them, and learning fun things about their lives. HOWEVER, I have a horrible memory. So I keep asking a bunch of questions, and I end up mixing up the life stories of these dudes in my head.

I imagine that, very soon, this whole not-being-able-to-keep-the-dudes-straight thing is going to backfire in a BIG way. Then the cat will be out of the bag that I’m dating a bunch of dudes.

The numerosity of these dudes isn’t the real problem, though. No, the biggest problem I’m having right now is that HALF OF THEM HAVE NAMES THAT START WITH J! The fuck. Seriously. I wish I could go back in time 25-30 years and tell the mothers of all these men that they need to, like, remove the “J” section from their baby name books. Joe, Jeff, Jay, Johnathan. Whatever.

There are also about ONE BILLION dudes named Chris. I mean, COME ON moms of the 80s. Get it together. Maybe pick something different. Jesus Christ.

I just really can’t keep up with this. Online dating is overwhelming, confusing, and time-consuming. I’m exhausted from trying to play the field. Online dating reminds me of the time I binge-watched Keeping Up with the Kardashians on Netflix. When I was done, I couldn’t remember where all the hours went, I was tired, and I felt sad for America.

I don’t know why it’s so tough this time around. I have DONE online dating before. I’ve even done match.com before. Like, what am I doing wrong? Why is it so much work? I’ve been on dates with 4 guys so far, and I’m talking to eat least 6 more pretty regularly, and I’ll probably meet them next week. I’ve spent hours talking to these guys and I’ve barely been able to just stay on top of the emails, text messages, and phone calls I receive.

Maybe it’s just that I’m being more open to trying stuff out this time around. I’m giving a lot of guys chances that I might not have given in the past. Last time I did match.com, I ended up dating the second guy I met for a little bit. When that ended, I think I got sad and stopped really trying to meet anyone else.

So is the key to not burning out from online dating to whittle down my suitors?

I’m actually kind of hoping the herd will thin itself. I’m putting a lot of stock in all that evolution/survival of the fittest bullshit Darwin talked about. So far, the guys have been doing a pretty good of ruling themselves out. Of course there was the Blue Moon lover and the Motown hater. But now, I think Pushy Man and Fist Bumper may be ruling themselves out of contention for the ultimate prize of my eternal devotion.

Pushy Man is one of the many dudes named Chris I’ve been talking to. I haven’t met him yet, and I haven’t really even talked to him much. I talked to him enough online to think he was nice, and I’ve been giving my phone number out like candy, so I thought I’d share it with him. Well, his texts were mostly non-noteworthy before this weekend. I hadn’t heard from him all weekend (which was cool, because I was mad busy), then I got this series of text messages from him:

—-

Pushy Man: “Hey, meet me for lunch tomorrow at village anchor.”

Bobachel: UMMMMM I guess I don’t get to have a say in this? “I work in Shepherdsville, so I can’t really meet for lunch.”

Pushy Man: “In that case Holy Grale tomorrow evening.”

Bobachel: he’s really just going to keep telling me to do things, huh?
how about no
—-
I don’t know what it was about this text messages, but they just REALLY rubbed me the wrong way. I hate being told what to do in most situations. And I REALLY HATE when people assume I have nothing going on and they can just barge into my calendar. I’m a busy girl. I do a lot things. I’d really prefer to be consulted before somebody makes plans for me.
My coworkers think I’m overreacting about this dude’s tone. Maybe I am. I mean, I DO like assertive dudes. I’m assertive, so I like some balance in that respect. I even like dudes that can outdo me in that realm. And lord knows I enjoyed reading Fifty Shades of Grey. I think some submission can be okay.
But what really bothered me about Pushy dude’s approach is that he doesn’t even know me. Maybe that approach works on a majority of girls (and maybe it would even work on me in a different context), but it just felt so presumptive. And I was offended to be put into a “submissive woman” box by him.
Anyway, so Pushy Man would have to do a lot to get into my good graces I think. Meanwhile, Fist Bumper really damaged his stock tonight.
You might know Fist Bumper as Funny Guy. I went on a second date with him tonight. It was pizza for dinner. I had been a little confused about Fist Bumper all week. After my first date, I wasn’t sure that I was attracted to him. I knew I loved his personality, because he’s hilarious, but I didn’t know if that was enough.
The actual date part of the night didn’t do much to assuage that concern. He was funny and fun to spend time with, but it felt more like I was out to dinner with my buddy. There were just a lot of jokes, and not a lot of flirting.
The end of the date was where it got really interesting, though. It was the second date, so I was kind of figuring there would be a kiss at the end of the night. As we left the pizza place and walked toward my car, I mentally prepared myself to kiss this dude who seemed more like my new funny friend.
So we get to my car. I’m ready for it. But instead of a kiss, he says “Fist bump me.”
………………………REALLY. FIST BUMP ME. HE SAID THAT TO ME.
So I fist bumped him, because I guess I didn’t know what else to do. When someone asks you to fist bump them, you do it, I guess. AND THEN after we fist bumped, he decided it was a good time to kiss me.
Ummmmm what?
britney no
It was so weird. Like, seriously. Fist bumping immediately before your first kiss with someone seems akin to high-fiving after sex. IT IS JUST AWKWARD. There is a time and place for fist bumping. Right before you kiss someone seems like neither the right time nor the right place. SMH.
So, yeah, It was an odd, bizarre end of the night. I left not really sure about what had happened. Now, as I continue to think about it, I’m pretty sure Funny Guy/Fist Bumper fist-bumped his way onto the edge of the friend zone.
I don’t really know how I keep finding these dudes who say and do inappropriate things to me. Like, what horrible things did I do in my past dating life to deserve this? I wish I could say the fist bump was the most awkward dating experience I’ve ever had, but it was far from it.
Le sigh.
I’m ready for some normalcy. I’m ready for my dating life to stop resembling a sitcom. I had hoped that by playing the field I’d increase my chances, but all that’s been happening is that I’ve been meeting a greater number of dudes who are very very wrong for me (and probably are wrong for all women).
I’m impressed by and jealous of people who actually have the capacity to play the field and meet quality people. I’m guessing they have to trade a bit of their souls/sense of morality to gain that skill, though, so maybe it’s not worth it?
Like I said, I’m ready for the herd to start thinning. Lord knows I can’t remember any more names.

L-O-V-E

So, I caught the bouquet.

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(It’s a beautiful bouquet, right?)

This weekend was a whirlwind of awesome for me, but the highlight was definitely celebrating the wedding of a dear friend of mine. Aside from it being a beautiful ceremony and reception, and getting to see many friends that I hadn’t seen in a long time, the wedding was really fun because it truly was a celebration of love.

I think most people have a few couples they always think of whenever “true love” is mentioned. They’re the kind of people that epitomize a healthy, loving relationship, and they probably nauseate you with how adorable they are. The bride and groom from this weekend are one of those couples for me. They met 10 years ago and have been together ever since. It’s impressive. It’s beautiful to watch. More than anything, though, it gives me hope that true love does exist and that maybe it’s out there for me.

So, as I watched the bride walk down the aisle and promise to devote her life to loving her new husband, I was reminded why I’m doing this whole online dating thing: I’m not just in this to get a few free meals, have a few awkward conversations, and put on too much eyeliner three times a week. I want what she’s got. I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS!

(See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9OGfBGOCpk)

So about that bouquet. Fast forward to the end of the reception. Lots of tears had flowed and many kind words had been said. Fifty-year-old women were gettin’ down on the dance floor. THEN, garters started coming off and the bride got ready to hurl a bunch of flowers through the air.

In so many movies (usually rom-coms, I think I own all of them), the bouquet toss is portrayed as a way for desperate single girls to claw their way to happiness, by somehow physically grasping onto the  promise of love and marriage. In those movies, the girls are portrayed in one of two ways: there are the over-eager girls who often resort to physical violence to come away with the bouquet, and there are the girls who despise the tradition and can’t get far enough away from the bride and her bouquet.

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I think most of those romantic comedies are a load of horse shit. There’s definitely a middle ground of regular girls. At least that’s what I told myself as I danced my way up to the bouquet toss to “Single Ladies.” I thought it would be fun to catch the bouquet, especially because I’m wayyyyy too superstitious (it can’t be a bad romantic omen to catch it, right?). I certainly did not intend to throw any bows or anything to get it, though.

I’ve been to several weddings, and the bouquet never comes anywhere near me. But last night, when the bride tossed the bouquet my way, it bounced  off a few outstretched hands and landed on the floor between me and my friend. It seemed like a sign, my GOLDEN opportunity. I exchanged a quick glance with my friend. I raised my eyebrow, hissed “I NEED IT! I HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT THIS!” and used my cat-like reflexes and monkey arms to snatch the bouquet away from her.

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So, I didn’t really catch the bouquet, but it landed at my feet. I had to take it. And actually, I think “catching” the bouquet kinda symbolizes where I am right now. I’m hopeful about my love life, and I’m trying to be active in it. I’m not afraid of being rude about getting what I want. And while I’m definitely open to finding a meaningful relationship, it’s not like I’m not PLANNING on finding true love tomorrow or anything. I’m just kinda going with the flow and seeing what lands in front of me.

I think being hopeful, rather than expectant, definitely makes meeting new people through match.com easier. I’m trying to keep my expectations realistic so I can either enjoy getting to know some of the dudes or cut them loose when I’m not feelin’ it.

Anyway, I scheduled two dates for today, after I got back from the wedding.

The first one went really well. I don’t know if it was my new “bouquet” outlook on life/dating at work during the date, but I liked the guy a lot more than I thought I would! He’s younger than I am, so I think that gave me a little bit of initial apprehension going in. But when I met him, his age didn’t bother me. To top it off, he was much cuter than his pictures online!

He’s also from Iowa. I have this weird thing for guys from Iowa. I love them for no good reason. I think they’re just midwest through and through: handworking, polite, nice, and not built like wimps. Seriously, I don’t think there’s ever been a hipster to come out of the state of Iowa.  As a midwestern girl, I can always appreciate a corn-fed Iowa stud. So, I liked Iowa Guy. He was really nice and cute and hopefully there will be a second date.

I JUST got back from the second date. I finally met Jersey, who I’ve been talking to a lot the past week, at a local park where they had tens of thousands of jack-o-lanterns on display as part of some seasonal Halloween event. The display was really cool, and the date idea was good in theory. HOWEVA, I think the appropriate word to describe the date is disappointing.

I really liked talking to Jersey online and by text, but he was so much different in person. Sure he was nice and everything, but he was also shy and quiet and awkward at times. It was tough just trying to sustain a conversation with him.

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Being shy isn’t a sin or anything, but I’m verbose and loud and animated and assertive. I find it hard to form any kind of relationship with people who can’t keep up with that. I don’t really have quiet, pensive friends. I think if I dated Jersey, I would constantly feel uncomfortable that I was being too dominant. I thrive on the give and take. I just don’t think he has the capacity to offer that.

My new bouquet mindset tells me I should probably just toss Jersey. He’s nice enough, but I don’t see him being a good match for me. I’ll probably give him one more shot, just to be sure, but my gut tends to be pretty accurate.

I hope my gut is just as good at letting me know when I’ve found someone worthwhile as it is at letting me know that a dude is a dud.

The journey continues, I guess.

Ball of Confusion (That’s What the World is Today)

Today was a shitty, cold, rainy day in Kentucky.

As I was talking by text about the weather with one of my gentlemen from match.com (we’ll call him Lance Lite, because he’s into cycling, but probs doesn’t use steoroids), this came up. I mentioned that it was a pretty perfect day to listen to some music by the Temptations! I mean, really, probably every day is a perfect day to jam to their sweet motown beats. But the rain really just does something to me that makes me want to listen to David Ruffin’s voice.

I was expecting Lance Lite to agree with me (because who doesn’t love the Temptations??), maybe even just text back a random combination of letters to symbolize his guttural, primal approval of my music choice.

Instead he said, “I don’t really love the Temptations. Not my style.”

britney judgey face

Ummmm… What? How do you not like the Temptations? I consider the Temptations to be one of the best and most influential musical groups of this century. They are ICONIC American music. If The Temptations “aren’t your style,” you might as well self-deport.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, when this dude told me he wasn’t into the Temptations I was 1) confused, 2) appalled, and 3) immediately uninterested in dating him.

This whole, odd episode got me thinking about the other guys I’ve been talking with, and whether they’ve got what it takes to roll with me, aka be that dude in my life.

Apparently, as I learned today “MUST LOVE MOTOWN” (or at least like it) is something that’s on my list. I don’t know that I could spend the rest of my natural life with a man who wouldn’t enjoy sitting on the couch drinking a nice red wine and listening to some motown music on a Friday night.

So what else is on my list?

Well, I’m discovering that’s still a work in progress. The more I talk with different men through match.com, the more I’m realizing that the things I thought were deal-breakers really aren’t that big of an issue at all. At the same time, some seemingly small qualities are really putting me off (like, ya know, shitty music/beer taste). But there are a few things I KNOW I’m looking for.

I think sense of humor is a big one. One of my current suitors (we’ll call him Funny Guy), who I went out with last week, is hilarious. I think I spent 90% of the date belly laughing because everything that came out of his mouth was just so funny. I think he’s the kind of person that would never stop being funny, and I really like that about him.

Sense of humor is such an important trait for me because when I’m old and out of energy and everything’s hanging down around my knees, I’ll still be able to laugh with my partner. I WANT to be able to at least count on that. And even before I turn into a human raisin, I think laughter will need to be a vital part of my life and relationships. I mean, I work in a stressful job with people who are literally crazy.  Laughter, especially those shared, special moments with that special someone, are going to be really important for me to just maintain sanity. I don’t see how someone could possibly live a happy life without laughter.

I’m also looking for someone with both passion for the things they spend their time doing and compassion for the people they spend their time with.

I think I’m looking for those things in a man because I value them so much in my own life. I love the life I’m living, the work I do, the people I work with, and the people I work for. I have committed my life to helping others, so I need someone who understands that and feels the same way about his own life.

Another one of the guys I’ve been talking to a lot the last few days (we’ll call him Jersey, because he’s from there) seems to fit that bill. I wasn’t so into him originally, when we were just exchanging emails, but as I’ve gotten to know him more, he seems to care really deeply about the work he does and the ways he chooses to spend his free time. He’s involved with data management, which I would probably find dreadfully boring, but the fact that HE enjoys his work is all that’s really important to me. In fact, I find it pretty hot. He’s also seemed genuinely interested in hearing and learning about my job. That makes me feel like he understands and respects things that are really important to me.

I think another reason I’m becoming more into Jersey is that he is a gentleman.

When my sister first started dating her husband (whom she met through match.com), he sent her an email saying he would kill spiders and bugs by the bucket-full for her. Knowing that my sister HATES spiders, and being pretty squeamish of them myself, I found my future brother-in-law’s email to be incredibly sweet, and really pretty chivalrous. Since then, I’ve been looking for my own man who could play amateur exterminator when necessary.

Well, fast forward to yesterday. Jersey told me, “I’d kill all kinds of spiders for you.” I was all like:

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Swoon.

I mean, in the grand scheme of things, killing spiders is a little thing. But the gesture is important. Call me old fashioned, but sometimes I like to be protected. I like to feel safe with the men I date. Acts of chivalry, great or small, get me every time. Those are the kinds of things that sweep a girl off her feet.

I suppose politics and religion are somewhat important, too, but for me they’re not necessarily deal-breakers (UNLESS you’re some crazy neocon who quotes Ann Coulter on the reg, in which case, you might as well self-deport with all the Temptations haterz, too).

As confused as I am about what I’m looking for, I really do think those big things will never change. A sense of humor, passion, compassion, and chivalry will always be important to me. Together. None of those qualities alone would likely be enough for me to keep a dude around. And I think if I could find a guy who checks all those big boxes, the rest would come naturally.

Maybe this is a tall order. Does this guy even exits? I hope so.

Well, if he IS out there, hopefully I’ll find him soon 🙂

Dirty Little Secret

It’s been about a week since I have been back on match.com, diligently looking for worthy suitors. It’s also been about a week since I started THIS: this monstrosity of a blog, the receptacle of my word vomit and resting place of my thoughts on internet dating.

Since I started blogging about my dating adventures, I’ve been overwhelmed by the responses and feedback I’ve gotten from friends, acquaintances, and strangers. But one recurring question has really stuck with me, and has had me thinking a lot recently.

“How are you going to explain the fact that you’ve been blogging about your experience to the guy you eventually end up dating?”

…Hmm, I guess I probably should have thought about that? Didn’t really consider that at all, actually. Shit.

After days rolling that question around my head, I still don’t know if I have a good answer.

What I assume will happen, what I HOPE will happen, is that I’ll just bring it up nonchalantly, let him read it, and then we’ll crack open a couple cold ones and toast to my awesomeness and everything will be fine.

I mean really, the more I’ve thought about the impact this blog could have on my potential future love life, the more I think it’s just like every other possibly unflattering fact about myself I’ve hidden. (And I don’t really think this blog is unflattering. It just is what it is. It’s my thoughts and feelings spewed frenetically across a dim computer screen). It’s something that, like most unflattering facts, will eventually come up. Maybe it will be a little awkward.  But if someone is into me, and really likes me, it shouldn’t be a deal breaker. Nothing about me should be a deal breaker.

This blog is an extension of me. If some dude can’t deal with it, I’d kindly like him to kiss my ass, leave the bottle of merlot he brought over, and gtfo out of my house. (Maybe I used too much vulgar language in that last sentence, but I hope you get the point).

When I started writing this blog, I thought maybe I’d mostly be sharing funny/awkward/mortifying stories about my interactions with the men from match.com. It’s morphed into something more than that, partly because I needed more to make sense of the whole experience. I’m really not trying to drag anyone’s name through the mud or (unnecessarily) embarrass them, and I’m not one to kiss and tell. I would hope my future superhotandwickedsmart boyfriend from the internet gets all that.

In fact, I hope he reads my blog and thinks it makes me even more superhotandwickedsmart(andhilarious).

MOREOVER, if this blog is the biggest thing I need to worry about explaining if and when I get into a relationship with someone, I’d be in good shape. Wanna focus on the blog? SURE, NO PROBLEM. Let’s just go ahead and ignore that phase I had in college where I was only interested in douchebags. And we probably don’t need to talk about all the pictures of me at the place that one time wearing the you know what (some of you know what I’m talking about!).

I’d gladly trade all my other dirty little secrets for this very public one. But even if I have to keep all my secrets, I’m looking for someone who’s down with them anyway.

One friend told me the whole situation of potentially having to explain this blog sounded like a romantic comedy. I sure hope it turns out that way. Girl starts blog. Girl meets boy. Girl and Boy fall in love. Boy falls in love with Girl’s blog, too.

Sounds like a pretty good story to me.

So, future soulmate, read away. I hope you like what you see.

Chapstick, and Chapped Lips, and things like Chemistry

Well. Another day, another date.

Today I met one of the guys I’d been talking with pretty frequently to go for a walk in Cherokee Park, which is this awesome, beautiful park in the middle of Louisville. It’s actually amazing, and it was a beautiful day for a walk. I was looking forward to meeting him, because he seemed pretty cool.

Well, he was nice and pretty funny, I guess, but I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again. I just wasn’t attracted to him, nor was I that into him. (Yes, I have read the book. Yes, I buy into the philosophy).

I think maybe if I would have met him in real life somewhere, he could have been a friend that I could have grabbed a beer with. But considering that I met him on a dating website, I think friendship is probably out of the question. (I mean, that’s an awkward thing, right? “Oh, how’d you meet your buddy here?” “Oh, we went on a bad date and she wasn’t that into me”).

I keep thinking back to my self-realization earlier this week that maybe I’m too judgmental sometimes, but I’m starting to think maybe being judgmental is necessary in situations like this. Sometimes the little things make a difference! And the big things, like physical attraction and chemistry, definitely make a difference.

I think it’s somewhat strange how judgment works in online dating. Usually, I think the little things actually make more of a difference at the beginning, in deciding to initiate contact with someone or reply to a message. For example, the pictures a person chooses to post, or they way they choose to respond to the stock questions online, can turn me off pretty quickly. And I usually can tell if I have chemistry with someone not based on who they pray to, but rather what kind of beer they prefer to drink.  (Remember: NO BLUE MOON!)

The big things, like politics, religion, or family, may not even come up until you’re actually in a relationship with someone, when you’re figuring out if you should commit. It’s counterintuitive, really. If you’re trying to find a life partner, or a “match,” you’d think the focus should (or would) be on those big things. But I think chemistry has to win up front, right? Because the big things are really just the “on paper,” important compatibility things. They’re not the things that make a relationship exciting.

Now I’m rambling. 

I’ve been chatting with a lot more guys this weekend, and have given many more of them my phone number. My phone’s been blowin’ up! I feel so popular. I like talking with men. The “getting to know you” phase of relationships can be really fun, I think.

I actually gave my number to Star Wars guy. I’m not sure how this is going to  turn out. He made a joke about cuddling in a message he sent me recently, and quite frankly I wasn’t feeling it. I mean, he had just been rude to me. Well, apparently the way I responded wasn’t satisfactory, and he sent me another rude message back. SO, I told him that “maybe we aren’t a good match.” I think that’s probably true. I THOUGHT that would maybe be the end of our communication.

No. It was not the end. He responded with something to the effect of, “Don’t give up on us!” or something equally weird. However, I was a little (just a really tiny bit) impressed with his persistence, so I told him just to text me. Perhaps I’ll be able to see if we have chemistry via text message. More likely, I’ll say something within the next day or two that will offend him again. But I’ll give him that one last chance. I’m not expecting to meet him face to face, though. 

Why? I really don’t think the chemistry is there.

I think I’ve been pretty good at judging chemistry so far. I think there’s potential with some of these other guys I’ve been chatting with, so hopefully I’ll be able to meet some of them soon.

Before I go, an update on Desperate Guy. I gave him one last chance. He again just sent me a long list of things and places he thinks I might know. It was almost as if he was reciting facts, hoping to catch my attention with a familiar phrase. I didn’t really feel like he was actually trying to get to know me, nor let me get to know him. I told him I didn’t think we were a good match, and I wished him luck.

But, yeah. Chemistry. It matters. You know it when you feel it.

Just My Imagination

I just got back from my first match.com date. I had a nice time, but I’m feeling a little conflicted right now. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I jumped back into online dating too soon. I’ve been single for about a million years, so maybe I should explain that a little more.

So, the guy I went out with tonight is hilarious. We’ve been chatting via text a lot this week and he seemed really awesome! He wasn’t any different in person, which was great. He is also really interesting and just nice to talk to. I felt a little inadequate next to him – I’m not nearly that funny. I can be interesting some times, I’m sure, but a lot of times I’d rather sit quietly and be alone with my thoughts. Or my netflix queue. But this guy really could probably be a comedian.

I just don’t know what it was. Something seems wrong, and I think it’s in my head. The guy I went out with tonight certainly did nothing wrong. He ordered me meat on a stick, fergodssakes, so that’s like a million plus points in his column. But I think what it comes down to is that I’m still not mentally moved on from the last guy I dated. WHICH IS SO DUMB. I dated him for approximately a minute. I’d like to be moved on, so I can give this guy the shot I think he deserves. I mean, I really would like at least to get to know him a little better.

I’m trying to remember and apply the things I wrote in my last post to the last guy- not to build people up on my head, to recognize that regardless of what I think, not everyone is right for me – but it’s easier said than done.

I think maybe part of my problem is that I’m too much of a romantic. I always imagined my personal love story being incredibly romantic. You know, the kind of story that makes you want to vomit because it’s so perfect and beautiful. I end up getting so disappointed when I don’t get that from the guys I date. I think I was looking forward to that from the last guy I dated, and that’s where my whole problem is.

I don’t know. I came home tonight and just felt a little sad. That’s probably the very worst emotion to feel after an otherwise really nice night out with a really nice guy. I just really wish I knew how to get out of this funk. I think I’m going to take a night off from match and just go to sleep.

The guy from tonight said he’d like to see me again. Maybe by next time I’ll have gotten my mind right.

Here’s My Number, Call Me Baby

My sister is pretty smart. Not only was it a really wonderful idea for her to get me a match.com membership as a gift, but her advice for how to weed out weirdos has been spot on.

Her biggest piece of advice, which I was originally skeptical of, but am totally buying into now, is that I should talk on the phone with a guy before I meet him in person.

Now, my sister is old school. When we were growing up, she was totally a phone slut. She burned up those lines every night. I don’t mind talking on the phone, and I CAN really enjoy a phone conversation with good friends or people I’m dating. I just think the utility of talking on the phone is pretty low. Text messaging is much more efficient – plus I can use emoticons! I also tend to reserve phone conversations for people I’m closer to – Joe Schmo from match.com wouldn’t normally fit into that category.

That being said, I’m really trying to take her advice this time around, and she’s pretty right about this one. Guitar Guy was really pushing to chat with me off match.com, so I gave him my number. I figured I’d be able to get out of it pretty easily because I was sure I wouldn’t enjoy talking to him based on our conversations online. I was SO wrong though! He’s actually really cool, and he kind of has a cute accent (being from Kentucky and all).

I had judged Guitar Guy pretty hard based on some grammar mistakes and beer preferences. When I talked to him, though, he was just a normal cool guy. He’s reads a lot of historical fiction, he’s really into science, and he’s flown over Louisville. It actually sounded like it would be pretty fun to meet him and spend time with him, especially since I’m new to the area. So, my original, judgey perceptions were pretty off. I never would have known that if I wouldn’t have talked to him on the phone!

The other two guys I’ve been talking with more frequently also have my phone number, and I’m hoping to talk with them soon. I just hope my impressions on those two weren’t also off, because I really like them so far!

I think what this whole “phone call rule” has taught me is that I really am pretty damn judgmental. On one hand,  a little bit of judgment in the online dating world may be necessary. Eventually, I’ll need reasons to cut people off, and maybe those reasons will be somewhat arbitrary. BUT on the other hand, I have been way too quick to judge. I make snap decisions about people who probably haven’t thought too much about what they’re typing to me.  I don’t need to be ruling people out after one email exchange, before I’ve really gotten to know them.

On a related note, after many comments urging me to give the guy another shot, I messaged Sad, Desperate Dude again. I’m sure he’s a nice guy. I’ll give him a couple more shots to interest me before I take him out of the running. In fact, I think I’ll give all the guys a couple more shots. 

IN DATING NEWS, there is a new guy who has caught my interest recently. We’ll call him Traveler . He’s been all over Europe and he’s a Pharmacist. What I really like about him is that he seems to be a dreamer, but he also seems to be pretty focused on the important things in his life. I like to think he shares those qualities with me. He also just seems to have his shit together, and he hasn’t offended me with any ridiculous grammatical mistakes. 

I think maybe the most important thing I’m trying to focus on right now, with regards to dating, is that I don’t need to get too invested in any of these guys right now. I’ve done the thing too many times where I get really into someone, build them up in my head, and then they either disappoint me or break my heart or something in between. Before I started match.com, I briefly dated someone in Lousiville. I thought he was great, but then it was over and I was a little disoriented.

A lot of my friends gave me perspective then, though, that I think will be very useful as I keep getting to know some of these guys: as nice as some dudes are, and as great as I think things with them could be, most of the time things won’t work out. That’s just the universe doing it’s thing.

I’ll keep my trust in the universe to work things out for me, but I think I’ll also keep doing my part to get to know these guys and pick up the phone more often 🙂