Online dating is weird, isn’t it?
My experience has been, anyway.
I started really hot and fast on match.com. I was talking to like a billion guys and it seemed like I was going on dates all the time. It was exciting getting so much attention and having something to look forward to (and having something to write about, too)!
I felt like a hot commodity, and thought these dudes actually realized that I was a real catch!
…..That was like two months ago, though, and my attitude about online dating has drastically changed.
I don’t care to give match.com as much energy as I did before. I’m becoming less confident that I will really find my “match” online. And I’ve stopped being nice to online dudes just to be nice.
I feel like my experience with match.com mirrors my real world dating history – but in reality, making that comparison would be giving me a lot of credit.
On one hand, there are similarities – I start out hopeful that I’ll find a great guy, then I become jaded when I realize 1) most guys end up disappointing me in some way and 2) most guys can’t check off even half of my boxes. I think maybe these realizations come more quickly in online dating, but other than that the same old patterns are there.
But like I said, I can’t really compare match.com with the real world too much because there’s one HUGE difference between online BoBachel and real life Rachel:
Real life Rachel is a huge coward.
Yeah, I’ll admit it.
I have no cajones when it comes to dealing with men in the real world.
Today after work, I went out with a bunch of coworkers for our weekly happy hour and my love life came up. Why? Well, it seems that my love life is a frequent topic of conversation among not only my coworkers, but also everyone we work with at the courthouse.
Apparently one of the bailiffs wants to date me. I’m not interested in him because he is, for lack of a better word, ugly. (Sorry, dude). Everyone knows that he’s got a thing for me. Unfortunately, he’s not the same bailiff that I want to maybe date. Apparently everyone knows about my crush on the other bailiff, too. It’s a really depressing would-be love triangle.
BUT my coworkers started giving me a bunch of (well-deserved) shit about the whole situation because I’m probably responsible for a lot of the mess. I’ve been a real idiot about the Cute Bailiff. Anytime I see him, I turn into a frickin middle school girl and either ignore him or say like two stupid words to him.
You’d think that I, a cute, smart, successful-for-my-age, 20something, would have big enough balls to at least SPEAK a sentence to this man I’ve been lusting after and whose ass I’ve been checking out for the last three months.
It shouldn’t be that hard. I should know better. And if I actually didn’t act like an idiot, the non-cute Bailiff probably would realize I wasn’t interested in him, and the hubbub at the courthouse would subside. AND I COULD LIVE IN PEACE.
That’s not even the only instance of cowardice in my non-interwebs romantic life. I’ve been really passive about the whole Lawyer Man situation, too.
I was supposed to see this dude over the holiday weekend. It didn’t happen. There were some contributing factors (e.g., we both came down with some plague-cold hybrid virus), but my gut tells me I should move on.
Like this panda:
I’ve read “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I buy into it, because for real: if a guy is into you and wants to date you, he’ll make it happen.
This guy hasn’t made it happen yet, nor does it seem that he has plans to.
I’m trying to summon up some of the courage and sass of my online alter-ego to improve the situation in my real world possible romances. I need to just chat the Cute Bailiff up and ask him to get drinks with me. I need to tell Lawyer Man that if he really wanted to date me, he’d get his ass to Kentucky.
My mental shift over the past few months has been to make match.com just another dating option, to have it be as close to real life as possible. Sure, it’s really easy to come off as an appealing, dateable girl in a paragraph or two, but should it really be harder in real life?
In reality, it should probably be easier. I should be able to get the guys I already know, too.
So I think I’m going to make an adjustment, in part due to the barrage of shit I took today. I’m going to be more BoBachel in my everyday life, because BoBachel at least goes on dates. Rachel doesn’t.
From this point forward, I resolve to be as cute and sassy in real life as I try to be in the limited snapshot I’ve provided on the internet.
I can’t be afraid of rejection of ANYONE, let alone these dudes I’m currently dealing with. I need to start acting like the hot commodity I know I am.
Because in the end, they’re just boys. They’re nothing to be afraid of.
So, I guess if I want to find myself a boy I’ll have to man up.